I'm officially an "aspirant" now and am being so addressed by Society communications. Yay.

Perhaps...

My maternal grandfather has been given one day, maybe two. He's 91 and despite it all, he deserves a rest. 

My cousin Jeffrey has just lost his oldest daughter, Danielle, and her husband in an ugly traffic accident. They leave behind two very young children. This is a sore loss to Jeff and to his mother, my dear great-great Aunt Sarah, a woman like unto my grandmother. I love her and I cannot comfort her.

Mom has worked herself half-dead for this hospital and it turns out that they aren't giving her the permanent job they have been promising for three-bloody-years. Instead, she's being given a chance to, as they said, "fight for it". She's 62. She's given fortysome years to hospital work. She needs a hip replacement. She's tired and heartsick and worried for her old age. She's the hardest working, most experienced person in that department. And she's made to scrap like a dog for bones. The bastards.THE BASTARDS.

Rachel and Brittany both brought in to this world healthy babies. Praise God! My sister a boy, Nate, and Britt  a girl, Chelsea. My, what their futures may hold... Considering the present state of things (and the general trend of history) I'm not certain I look forward with much optimism.

In nine days I begin my trek toward perpetual vows and a life of religious devotion. I was so certain of it before, but now... the reality gives me pause. As with any monumental, life-changing decision, it has left me at a crossroads and I must pick my path and simply, go. 

I pray for light and for direction.